Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
