and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
