i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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