So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
