I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
