I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
