Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
