the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
