Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
