she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
