Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
