I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
