i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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