end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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