You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
