I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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