Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
