Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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