3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
