He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
