I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You've changed since you got that strap on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
