He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
