People with herpes should wear stickers.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
