its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
