So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
