the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
