Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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