Say something about gay babies.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize