I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
