dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
