Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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