...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
