and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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