Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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