is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
