We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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