I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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