and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you will always have a special place in my vag
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
