Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
