Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
