took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
