i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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