you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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