:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
