I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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