Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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