are you still at the devil's house?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
