Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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