She is in my trunk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
