Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
