bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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