I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
