Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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