I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't turn off my feet"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
