I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
