i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
