WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
