His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
