Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
