i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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