i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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