Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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