Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
