it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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