ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
