Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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