just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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