Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sext me about skeletons
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
