You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
