Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
