he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
