Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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