from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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