who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
