So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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