My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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