I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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