I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
