is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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