If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
