I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
