on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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