Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
