we have pet lesbian snakes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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