Dual....:-)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
