is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize