She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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