Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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