you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
