with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We smell like vodka and hangover
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