a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
