theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
