she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
