apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
