You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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