just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
two words...techno handjob
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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