Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
