i don't like sucking hair
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
