It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
