The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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