An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
