Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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