i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
