i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
