On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
