Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
