Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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